Just a thought

So...

What has been going on with everyone??? I was in Philly this past weekend for the 9th annual Black History Month Fashion Show...and I must say I felt like a proud mother. The show was hott!!! Congrats Er...you pulled it together...I told you not to give up on your children. 2006 has been a busy year...but I'm loving life. Living free is a great feeling.

I realized a few days ago that Valentines day was just around the corner. As I have told ya'll before I am seriously popular nowadays... I have over 3o valentines...I know what you are thinking...but hold up...30 of them are under the age of 10. My dance class are my valentines this year. I'm so excited...we are having a valentines dance and I got the cutest gifts for them. There is so much love going around and I feel so blessed. I hope everyone is finding happiness. Look for happiness in everything...you will definitely find it.

A little update!!!

This is my first real post of 2006...I'm excited to be back...and I thank God for allowing me to see another year. I know this year is going to be filled with so much greatness. God told me it was going to be in live in '05...and it sure was...through the ups and downs...I have to admit even though I thinks my downs were major...I had so many ups...most of them shared with one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for...of course the one and only Erica R. Robinson...my Soul Friend...since we have already given the 'title' of best friend to other great ladies in our lives...I came up with the term soul friend to describe us...she sure has looked into my soul and holds a major piece...I thank God for her.

Since I have been home...things have been very busy...I work work work...and I sleep. I barely even eat...but I am working on that Er...doing much better this year! I have also decided that I can't keep hoping that certain people I care about will come around and that we will have the type of relationship I desire...so I have decide to get out more. As soon as I decided that, I became popular...not that I ever had a difficult time meeting guys, that's not the problem...well, since I was in Philly for the past few years...most of the dudes...have been Philly hoodrats...favorite line "A Ma'!"... and if I hear this one more time: "How are you? I'm fine...Ma I aint ask you how you look, I can see that you are fine...damn!" what the hell??? Bmore dude don't act like that...so it is refreshing to be around males that I like. And I must say...they are gorgeous...they tell me I'm beautiful...but the amount of beauty I am surrounded with is amazing. I'm loving this life. Eventually I do want to find one guy that I can be exclusive with...I was and still am the type that doesn't even casually date more than one guy...but forget all that...Imma casually date until someone convinces me that he is worth all my time. This one guy, let's call him 'A Taste of Philly"...go figure I would like a guy who could fit in with a Philly crowd...but he is a Bmore boy...so something about that makes him much different...Bmore dudes approach women differently...he came at me with humor...not some crued comment...and I really appreciated that...I usually don't give guys my number...but I was instantly attracted and he is soooooooo cute, even with his mini Philly beard (but much more clean cut than the typical Philly beard)...is making his presence known!!! I mean...he wants to see me whenever he has free time...Im seeing dude more than once a day sometimes...I thought I would be annoyed...but not with this guy...I like this attention and even more importantly I like this guy. He makes me feel so comfortable...Tiff you would like him...he has those strong arms you were talking about...wink wink. Now, preacher man...thinks we are getting married...I'm not sure at this point. He is a great guy...but Im not sure...he told me he will show me...that we are meant to be together...I'll give him sometime... it's difficult developing something fresh long distance, I have no problem working with a long distance relationship that is already established...but I met this dude and next week he was back at school...ummm that's a little too quick...but have hime tell it we have known each other forever. My fireman, is so inconsistent...and I don't like that...he also told me I was 'the one'...well you sure enough don't act like it. I know his schedule is crazy... he works crazy hours at the firehouse...but ummmm...you have breaks, you have days off...we do I hear from you every two weeks or why does it take you two weeks to return my calls??? We click on so many levels...but I need you to keep your word and give me some time...a relationship can not be built when one person is doing whatever and never letting you in on it. Now, lastly my eye-candy!!! mmmmmm-good!!! But...he is a man-whore!! No possible way I would ever be in a relationship with him...but he likes me...he is gorgeous and he likes spending time with me...so why not...I can have beautiful friends...that's all he has the potential to be...is my friend...but boy oh boy is he gorgeous!
...we shall see...I'm expecting someone to disguise themselves from the group!!!! Right now it's "A Taste of Philly"...but he is also the one I have known for the shortest period of time and I told myself I would never deal with another dude that was younger than me...he's 21...but I'm dealing with guys in their late 20's and they don't have there stuff together like this dude...he has some major potential...but who knows...he might be the one to convince me to give him my undivided attention. I think valentines day will be interesting this year...Who's taking me to dinner???? LOL... I'm not right...but I'm having fun...please believe I aint compromising for no one or nothing....

~ Until next time ~

The One???

This was my anthem for 2005...but I'm moving on for 2006. Ms Tiff Tiff...I think of you everytime I play this song...I hope homeboy gets his act together for 2006...you are about to be a superstar nurse...class of '06...I'm so proud of you...well, anyway...this is dedicated to you my love... but remember...'The One' won't put you through all this...

"The One"
India.Arie

I’ve got this feeling that I need to express
Letting it out so you don’t have to guess
I’m making myself vulnerable
But you keep holding back so scared to let go
If you’re looking for love I think I could be
The one, the one, the one yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me why you wanna be so cruel
Acting like you don’t feel the way that you do
We’ve got the strongest compatibility
I just wanna explore the possibilities
But if you only wanna play games with me I ain’t
The one, the one, the one yeah
I ain’t got a husband, you ain’t got a wife
We two grown folks lets spend some time together
Get to know me better maybe share some laughter
It just might turn into happily ever after
You never know I just might be
The one, the one, the one
I just might be that special girl
The one that God made especially for you
I just might be that special girl
The one to make you happy- just want to make you happy
One day we might look up to find that we’re one
You and me
I know it might sound strange to you
But I’m telling you this because the feeling’s true
See, I got a feeling that you just might be the one
The one, the one, the one

Touches your soul

...I'm back....yes twice in one day...back to back post....ummm yeah...I use to do this all the time... aways...


Do you know what it feels like to have someone touch your soul??? Might sound like a crazy question but the feeling is so real. I could tell you exactly what it feels like to me. It feels like a warm summer night with a gentle breeze. It feels like a great hug during a bad time. It feels like sunshine on your face. If feels like peace in the midst of turbulence. It is one of the best feelings in the world. I don't there are many people that can touch your soul. There are going to be special people who come into your life with that ability...and you will know who they are immediately. When you soul is touch...you will never forget it and you will never want that feeling to go away. I know you maybe wondering who has touched my soul...I would tell you. But if you've touched my soul you know who you are. If you don't know...but think I maybe talking about you...than you are probably right. I hope I've touched someone's soul. This is deeper than love to me...this is something that will last way beyond a relationship. Even if that person doesn't become the person you spend the rest of your life with... the feeling will never leave you. It's so much more than the physical...it's spiritual. I might be in this all by myself...but that's ok...because this feeling is that good...that I don't mind.

...can't control who touches your soul..."
You have to get United Soul "Reservations"...they capture this feeling so well in their music...

I don't do that anymore...

I was told to update my blog by a couple people...so... here goes...

I actually have had somethings to write, but I'm so tired most days that I get in the bed when I get home and don't get out until the next morning. I use to leave out the door at 6am for work and get home after 7pm. I had to cut that out...now I leave about 7:15/7:30 and get home after 7pm...you might think that an hour and a half difference isn't much...but YES...it has helped a bit. I remember the days when I could sleep in on weekends...ummm yeah...I don't do that anymore. I remember coming home and watching a bit of television and staying up all night doing random foolishness...ummmm yeah...I don't do that anymore. I remember going out in the middle of week and dancing with my girls and drinking a few drinks....ummmm yeah...don't do that anymore. I remember that Friday, Saturday parties...and than keeping up for 8am Sunday service...ummmm yeah...well I still get up for church...but now it's at 10:30. I remember when...I would spend hours on the phone with someone and when I hung up I would want to call them back....ummmm yeah...don't do that anymore. I'm trying to figure out what I do...I don't do anything right now that is totally enjoyable and peaceful. I have two jobs...event though I enjoy both of them, they are not at all peaceful. I use to be an artist...ummm yeah...I just look at my art supplies in the closet. I have become a tired person....with nothing to do for fun... this is so sad. Not to mention all the craziness that has been going on since I moved back to Bmore...oh wow...I think that's too much for blogger...

until next time...hopefully it won't be so long...only reason I wrote this is because I did it a my first job...I really should be sending criminals to jail...

Feels like goodbye

I have the hardest time expressing to someone if I'm sad or my feelings are hurt...it comes off as if I have an attitude and if I speak too much to try and convince you that I don't have an attitude...my emotions are like a switch and I would start crying. If I'm silent, just nod my head...I can tell myself in my head...not to cry. If I start to express how I feel in words...as I'm speaking I will began crying. I don't want you to see me like that...I would rather hold it in...get over whatever I'm feeling in time...tears aren't something I let people see.

I was asked over and over the other night..."Do you have an attitude?"...I said no..."What's wrong with you?"...I said I have nothing to say. That's all I could do to keep back the tears. If I said how I felt I would have cried. Thinking about how I felt, almost made me cry. I had to get away from the situation...because I wasn't going to let you see me cry. I shed some tears as I rode away...I listened to some India.Arie. I'm not sure where to go now... I know what my heart wants...but I know what my mind needs to have peace. I've put myself out there...told exactly what I want and need. For a moment I thought it was going my way...but in an instant I felt so low. I just want you to get excited when you think of me, happy when you hear my voice...and work with me to make us work. But...ok...I see...I finally see that's not how it's going to be. I guess I needed once last reminder...one more chance. You grapped hold of my hand and I forgot there was a problem...in that moment...I remembered ever reason why I care. When you let go of my hand I felt like I lost something...but you took hold of my hand again...and everything was alright. ...

...In my mind I heard you say," I'll prove them wrong! I care about you no matter what anyone esle thinks...and I'll keep showing you how much I care." But that's just a dream...because you just sat there and said nothing...like you didn't care...I felt like I meant nothing to you.

... I guess now it's time for me to say goodbye...but I must thank you for that wonderful feeling you gave me when you took hold of my hand...I'll never forget that.