Seconds

I'm really really confused, scared and have a sense of unknowing...and I don't like it! Have you ever felt invisible, like you were overlooked or forgotten about??? Here's a scenario for you... You are out with your people and some comes running across the street tripping over themselves and when they get to the other side they scream "Hi and smile" to your friend, than they look at you and say, "Ooooh, wzup?"...totally making you feel like an afterthought. Or what about this...People are constantly coming to you, they are going through something and you are more than willing to have their back, but after time you are getting tired because you keep saying the same things (maybe you should just write your suggestions down, so they could read them at a later time) ... you don't want to be selfish, but you want a moment when it's all about you! I'm always saying how I don't think people really like me and day after day this theory is being proven true. Is it so bad to want someone to care as much about you as you care about them. How about knowing that you are on someone's mind, just because. That your presence brightens their day. There have been people in my life who have made me feel this way...I'm convince that their are people in my life now that could make me feel this way. I'm so use to being treated like leftovers, seconds...but never first pick. It hurts more than words can say. I would give my life for the people who are important to me. I can't even get someone to sacrifice pleasures to be with me...wow!!!...that's a crazy. (Let me finish this)...

All I want is peace and I want to feel like my life is making a difference. So..."A Man of Men" says that I must have not have had a good foundation in the home (or something like that)...wow this is a complete stranger, trying to read me and determine what my life has been life. I talk about a lot of emotions, pain, hurt, struggles...good times, great times and my future...I rarely talk about my past because I think it is self explanatory (without a solid foundation there is no way I would have been able to make it through all of the trials that have occurred over the past few years). I talk about my current struggles, because that's what moves me and inspires me to write at this point in my life. I'm shocked about how males treat me...because I am so use to men treating me like a princess...My father, my older brother, my uncles, my cousins, my friends...than when I started dating guys and they started treating me in this abnormal way. I know that I'm worth more than this because I've seen true love that doesn't compromise...but I guess I've been opening myself up to people who have never experienced what I've experienced...so maybe to them it's normal. I just want to get away...take a break. For a moment there will be no concerns, no ups or downs...just totally absolute peace!