"Out of sight, out of mind"...I know you all are very familiar with this old saying. But for me it is totally not true and I know for a lot of other people it aint true either. I mean, when have you heard of a drug addict not thinking about drugs just because they aint have any. Ok, so maybe the saying wasn't meant for people who are addicted to things but it still doesn't ring true for me. I think the saying came about because people say, that when someone goes away, you forget about them and you move on to other things/people. Why can't that be the case for me? I want so badly right now to be able to think about someone else, anything else, anyone else. My baby girl asked me "was the wave over?"...and I dunno, I really not want it to be, but if absolutely, positively looks like it is, I can't and I won't try and hold on someone that isn't willing to try and hold onto me. Even though I can't get him off my mind, I think he has let me know through actions (or lack of actions) that he aint down for me. He really got my hopes up that he was gonna come to my party, well June 18th came and went...and he aint come. Now I must say that I had a good time and I saw true devotion and love from family and friends...so for him not to be there...yes it was dissappointing but it was also an eye opener! But back to this "out of sight, out of mind" stuff... he's out of sight, but he has never been on my mind so much. Maybe it's because I reached out to him and it seems like I was ignored (well, technically I was since it's been over a week and he aint responded back) and to think, I'm usually the one receiving calls and such from him, the one time I think to call, he's not available or whatever and has yet to return my call. Ok, so there are signs all over the place, so it should be clear and easy for me to see wzup and get it together and forget about him. So let me tell you all the signs: He acts like he don't talk to me on the regular when he is talking to his boys; he says he going to do something but doesnot; he tells me one thing and tells someone esle something completely opposite; he says all the right things, but there are no actions to support his words...I could go on... so I have so much to go on and yet I'm sitting here writing about how I can't stop thinking about him. I don't spend all day, everyday thinking about him...that would be too much. But every once in awhile (ok, maybe a bit more than that) I think about him. I mean, when you get use to talking to someone, seeing that someone and you actually like that someone...when all that changes it can be difficult not to think about the past or think about how that person is doing. I am determined to get it together and forget about him...I am trying to take my mind off of him...but it really doesn't help the situation that this summer is going to be really chill and I don't have much to do...
It's crazy because this past year has really come full circle... I went from the fall '04 (I'm only worth three months) to now (I'm perfect for your future)...
I'm glad to be back in the writing spirit....stay tuned!!!
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I can't conceive of anything more painful than when you give your all to a person and they give you shit. When you think enough of them to change who you are for them and they don't think enough of you to pay you any mind. Me and you are two peas in a pod ma'. All crazy.
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