No words

I'm been going through so much...I can't even get my words together to write. I've never felt like this, I've never been speechless before. I'll try to write more later. We shall see how it works out...

Must Be Nice

Why are people so quick to take advantage and neglect what/who they have? I keep seeing people missing out on happiness because... they ain't ready, they want to have a bit more fun, what if it doesn't work...all these questions are nice, but sometimes you have to take the risk and just go for it. What exactly are you waiting for???... Everything you want is right before you and yet you are letting it slip away. We all say we want someone to love us, care for us...despite our faults and when we have someone right in our face doing just that, we push them away. It really upsets me to see this happening over and over again. Songs have such powerful messages...I was listening to Lyfe Jennings and his song "Must Be Nice" talks about what I've been feeling lately... Sit back, stop for a minute and see what you have...embrace it and move forward.

Lyfe Jennings

"Must Be Nice"

Verse:

Must be nice

Having someone who understands the life you live

Must be nice

Having someone who's slow to take and quick to give

Must be nice

Having someone who sticks around when the rough times get thick

Someone who's smile is bright enough to make the projects feel like a mansion

Must be nice

Having someone who loves you despite your faults

Must be nice

Having someone who talks the talk but also walks the walk

Must be nice

Having someone who understands that a thug has feelings too

Someone who loves you for sho'you just remember to never let 'em go

Chorus:

Even when your hustling days are gone

She'll be by your side still holding on

Even when those 20's stop spinning

and all those gold-digging women disappear

she'll still be here

2nd Verse:

Must be nice

Having someone you can come home to from a long day of work

Must be nice

Having someone you don't have to show they know exactly where it hurts

Must be nice

Having someone who trusts you despite what they've heard

Someone as mighty as a lion but still as gentle as a bluebird

Must be nice

Having someone you don't have to tell you don't want to be alone

Must be nice

Having someone you can grow old with until God calls ya'll home

Must be nice

Having someone who understands that a thug has feelings too

Someone who loves you for sho'you just remember to never let 'em go

You've got it...and it must be nice...but yet you are taking advantage of it and soon you will loose it... No one is going to sit around and be treated badly while you 'get yourself together'...how about growing together instead of excluded that person. Must be nice to have someone giving their all to you and yet you feel it's alright to give just enough. You fail to realize that your just enough really isn't enough at all... You are looking towards the future and all we want is your all here and now... the future will come... let's get there together.

My Prayer...

It's crazy that all my people are experiencing the same things all around me. I talked to my best friend in New Orleans and she is going through, my people around me are going through, my girl back home is going through, I'M GOING THROUGH! Even through our situations are slightly different, I see one common thing. We all have a decision to make. Are we gonna take a stand for God or are we gonna compromise for...(him, a situation, an opportunity, or even a dream (22))? This has been a constant struggle, I mean a constant, repeated struggle for me...but everytime I have chosen God and I am so thankful. I refuse to compromise and I'm thankful. I've been rejected, but in that I'm thankful. I've been hurt so many times, but even in that I'm thankful. I've been lied to, cheated on, misused and abused...and yes, even in that I'm thankful. You are probably wondering why I can be thankful through any of this...well the reason is because even though I look back and remember all these things...I can find peace and happiness in the fact that through it all I lean on Jesus and that I never compromised what I believed in for anything or anybody. He might have hurt me but I remained true to my conviction, I could not take that internship because God told me to go home to Baltimore to work with an after-school program, people don't like me because I won't do certain things...oh well...I only need the approve of one!!!...and I got it...I try and do everything TO GOD'S GLORY...forget about man.

I have been wondering if I need to truly cut somethings off in my life ( sometime you can't even be 'friends' with those people anymore, you have to totally avoid those places)...wondering if I'm making the right decisions, wondering if what I feel is real (I know there is a reason I can't shake these feelings).

I pray always that "God will reveal, remove and restore."

Let me break this down for you...

Reveal...things, people, situations in my life that are not of God and that will hinder my growth and derail my destiny. So that I know what they are and I can take action to get the negative out of my life. How can you make things better if you don't know what is wrong.
Remove...things, people, situations in my life that are not of God and that will hinder my growth and derail my destiny. Being a person, we are lead often by our emotions, but if I put things in God's hands I have no choice in the matter...if God removes something from my life I can do nothing or saying anything to get it back. (So if he doesn't return my calls, he never calls, if you do talk to him he acts like he don't care...open your eyes!!! God has helped you get rid of something that was bad...God got him off so that you wouldn't have to 'try' and do it yourself.)
Restore...things, people, situations that are no longer in my life but will promote my growth and help me reach my destiny. Just like we can try and hold onto things that aren't good for us, we can push could things away. Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, he's too nice, he's not for me." What??...so you got a man right infront of you that adores God, loves his family, is intelligent and to top it off is cute...get a grip girl. But you want Mister flashy car, big spender!!! Or what about that opportunity to intern in No-where, USA...you passed it up because that area wasn't exciting enough...but what about the opportunity. Maybe now you see that the experience would have outweighed the location...but the offer has been pulled off the table. But God can bring that offer back into your life.

Wow...I have so many emotions right now. I want be there, I want be here. I wanted this, I want that. I must just continue to pray...we all must just continue to pray. Because I know that through pray things happen!!! ...Imma have to write more later...I'm overwhelmed!

Stop Complaining!

Counselors say that complainers are the hardest people in the world to help. You can't satisfy them, but they won't let you stop trying, so you end up feeling trapped. Once you earn a reputation as a complainer, people will avoid you like the plague! Attitude don't just happen, you choose them. Paul says, "Rejouce in the Lord always" (Php 4:4). Joy is a command. It's non-optional and non-negotiable, Joylessness is a sin: one the church folks are particularly prone to indulge in; one that seems to be readily tolerated amongst us; one that's never the object of church discipline. Even televangelists don't get cancelled for displaying too much of it.
The Psalmist writes, "This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Ps. 118:24). He doesn't say "yesterday was God's day, how happy I was than," or "tomorrow will be God's day, I'll endure until then." No, "This day with its blessings and challenges is a gift from God, so I'm not going to insult Him by complaining." Complaining is usually self-centered. It focuses on what you don't like. Get over yourself! True joy is a choice; one that comes to those who have devoted themselves to something greater than their own personal happiness. Listen: "Fo we have sinned and grown old, and our father is younger than we." A life of gratitude and serivce to others will keep you young till you die. But a life of complaining will age you prematurely and possibly hasten your death. So-stop your complaining!

I was reading my daily devotionals and I must say I was smacked in the face by this one...I had to share with the blogging community. I find myself complaining at times, I know some people who only complain...but whether it's a little or a lot...this passages tells that any amount is too much. I'm always thankful for revelation and understand and I sure enough got some through this... I hope it helps someone else also!!!! Stay encouraged... Joy is your choice, let nothing, no one, no circumstance, problem or situation stop your joy...if you don't have joy, reevaluate the situation, because lack of joy is a personal choice... this is deep....

Confused!!!

Why Why Why Why Why???....can't I shake this feeling??? I really don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. I can't help thinking about, dreaming about, hoping about. I'm trying to stay focused but I constantly find myself day-dreaming, being unproductive...just thinking about how much I want... All it takes is a small reminder, mention, or feeling...and I can't stop wondering. I've never been like this before and I don't like this feeling. Maybe if I knew it could never be I would be able to let this go...but with the idea that something might be keeps me holding on. From the things you say, the way you act...I know you are feeling the same way I do. What's the problem???...What are we waiting for??? I sort of feel stuck on stupid!!!!....because my mind say forget it...but something deeper in me isn't ready to let go. I've already said that I'm not going to focus on what coulda, shoulda, woulda happened...but in this moment I'm looking at what will happen if only we are bold enough to make it happen. I can't really get my thoughts together right now... I have so much going on and so little time to complete it all. I must let it go, at least for now...because how I am currently feeling is only being a hinderance to my progress.
Only God knows the future... I've done my best, God's will do the rest!

Always what you don't want

How about this guy really thinks Imma marry him. Ummm...I doubt it. He's about to be 23, has yet to GRADUATE from high school and works at Loews (at least this week, last week he worked at Sears). He lives with his mom, he rides the bus (barely knows how to do that). All around this guy really needs to get himself together. And than he says, "He's called to minster." Don't nobody want an uneducated, unachiever as a pastor...I think he feels that he's gonna get rich off a church and that just ain't right. I've know this guy since I was a little girl, I thought he was funny and cute (like a teddy bear)...but I also thought he was gonna do big things with his life...and not to say that he still won't...but sorry I don't have time to wait for you to GRADUATE from high school at the age of 23. He had no reasons behind dropping out of school five years ago, except the fact that he was tired of waking up and he didn't like his school (what the **ck)...now that is just lazy and stupid! So, you want to marry me?? I saw this guy yesterday when I want home to see my mother...He told me that I was looking beautiful as usual...and I of course said thank you. But he wouldn't stop hugging me and touching me! I really wanted him to leave me alone, but I didn't want to be mean to this guy because his is really sweet and he never did anything to me. He has always treated me like a princess and shown me the greatest amount of respect...but he has become a deadbeat as we have gotten older and I just can't put up with that. I believe their is a woman out their for him who will support the fact that he doesn't value education and that he wants to be a minister. I am the child of two ministers, I don't want to be the wife of a minister.... I value education and have worked hard to obtain mine and I'm not done yet! I have this guy falling all over me, but nothing about him is remotely attractive to me. His personality is boring and he doesn't like to socialize or have fun (because Christians don't 'act' like that), he looks as if he is about to drop a set of twins (use your imagination to get that visual), and like I have already said...he's not driven! Get an education, it isn't too late for him...but it's too late for us... (wow...in the middle of writting this, my phone rang...It's Him!) I could have all the love and attention I could have ever wanted from this guy, but I know he's not for me... but the one I want won't give me anything... (ain't that a *itch!)

Caught up

I'm speechless, this is undescribable...I think I like, I may even grow to love it. Please don't stop what you do and how you do it. I'm flying, floating, I feel so free. I don't want to let go, but I need to grow...staying here my be a bad idea, but leaving here is not what I want to do. I have never felt this way, I have never been lead astray. I'm off my game, I'm so untamed and I'm loving it. Too confused, making sure I'm not abused but this feeling is like none other. I can't control myself. I don't want to control this. My mind is telling me no...but my soul won't let go. I'm going into another place in lfe and I hope you go with me. Things are changing and I want you to change with me. As I grow, can we grow, as I move, can we move. I want to hold your hand, be with me and stand. Everything, anything you have ever desired. Your hopes and dreams to which you aspire...I'll be with you through it all. I was raised to be loyal to the day I die...I'm not like any other because for you I will live, give and so much more. You bring out the greatness in me. Something between us is so strong...when we say we are going away, we cannot stay. You looked into my eyes, I opened the doors of my heart. Your smile brings peace, your arms give me release. There are tears of joy, sadness, hurt, longing, needing...I'm convinced about you. I see greatness in you. I believe in you. Some may ask how/why I feel this way...all I can say is that you've got me and I will never, ever go away.

Have you ever felt caught up??!!??

Raymond "Buster" Stewart Jr.

Oh wow...I had to write this one after someone made a comment about my post "Seconds"... Maybe it seems like I didn't have a strong foundation...but I did and I still do. That post has absolutely no reflection on the life that I have with my family. I have the greatest parents and siblings in the world. They support me through my stupidity and love me despite my flaws.

For twenty-one years I have been treated like a princess. He picked my name...a name that means "princess - of life". He's strong, he sacrifices, loves, hugs, cries, devotes, suffers...for me! I love him, I adore him...I hope to be like him one day. A quiet, sensitive, loyal man who has worked his way from cleaning toilets to running companies. Loves his family, would die for his family...the rock of my family. I'm his baby girl...he's my hero. He's my eyes when I can't see, my wings so I can fly, my voice when I can't speak. Love can not even accurately describe the feelings I have for this man. He can make me laugh through the tears. I compare every person I encounter to him. He has set such a high standard for life. Because of all he is I'm thankful!!!

My Daddy...I adore him, I love him

Boys v. Men

I read this on someone's facebook page...and I had to post it... This poem is the truth!!! I didn't know the title so I made up one...Stop dealing with boys!!!!

Boys v. Men...There is a major difference!!!

A boy imitates the movies, always trying to be a mac when a man possesses the inner strength to love a woman back. A boy looks at your body, when a man looks at your soul, he knows you have more to offer. A boy will ask to spend the night, but a man wants to share your life. A boy hunts for
'a piece' when a man yearns for a wife. A boy will leave you insecure while you wonder where he is, with a man you're always reassured because a man takes care of his. Boys give you moments while a man gives you memories and in you a man can trust. A boy after reading this poem is intimitaded, for a man feels that in this poem his life is imitated.

~The Truth...I say the truth~

Enough???

-Bad enough to be truly respected by friends and enemies
-Brave enough to stand up for any and everything your heart truly believes in…your faith, your family, me
-Funny enough to keep me smiling through our ups, but more importantly our downs

-Intelligent enough to choose education and your dreams over quick riches
-Loyal enough to be true to me as long as you draw breath

-Patient enough to wait for me because I’m worth waiting for
-Respectful enough to take the vow of celibacy with me and stand by that decision in the face of all scrutiny

-Strong enough to give up your personal desires for others
-Loving enough to rather give your life than be forced to live it without.......

I want to give everything, do anything, and go anywhere to make you happy, to see you succeed…All I’m asking is that you take this chance with me…

~Looking Forward to the Future~

Seconds

I'm really really confused, scared and have a sense of unknowing...and I don't like it! Have you ever felt invisible, like you were overlooked or forgotten about??? Here's a scenario for you... You are out with your people and some comes running across the street tripping over themselves and when they get to the other side they scream "Hi and smile" to your friend, than they look at you and say, "Ooooh, wzup?"...totally making you feel like an afterthought. Or what about this...People are constantly coming to you, they are going through something and you are more than willing to have their back, but after time you are getting tired because you keep saying the same things (maybe you should just write your suggestions down, so they could read them at a later time) ... you don't want to be selfish, but you want a moment when it's all about you! I'm always saying how I don't think people really like me and day after day this theory is being proven true. Is it so bad to want someone to care as much about you as you care about them. How about knowing that you are on someone's mind, just because. That your presence brightens their day. There have been people in my life who have made me feel this way...I'm convince that their are people in my life now that could make me feel this way. I'm so use to being treated like leftovers, seconds...but never first pick. It hurts more than words can say. I would give my life for the people who are important to me. I can't even get someone to sacrifice pleasures to be with me...wow!!!...that's a crazy. (Let me finish this)...

All I want is peace and I want to feel like my life is making a difference. So..."A Man of Men" says that I must have not have had a good foundation in the home (or something like that)...wow this is a complete stranger, trying to read me and determine what my life has been life. I talk about a lot of emotions, pain, hurt, struggles...good times, great times and my future...I rarely talk about my past because I think it is self explanatory (without a solid foundation there is no way I would have been able to make it through all of the trials that have occurred over the past few years). I talk about my current struggles, because that's what moves me and inspires me to write at this point in my life. I'm shocked about how males treat me...because I am so use to men treating me like a princess...My father, my older brother, my uncles, my cousins, my friends...than when I started dating guys and they started treating me in this abnormal way. I know that I'm worth more than this because I've seen true love that doesn't compromise...but I guess I've been opening myself up to people who have never experienced what I've experienced...so maybe to them it's normal. I just want to get away...take a break. For a moment there will be no concerns, no ups or downs...just totally absolute peace!