I believe

I believe
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe - that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe - that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe - that it going to take time for me to become the person I want to be.

I believe - that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe - that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe - that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe - that my friends and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe - that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe - that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe - that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from the

Loving yourself is one of the most important things you can do. I also learned that we as people go through different rebirths in our lives. That's just the process of life, we're constantly being reborn at different times, and pain and hurt are the greatest birthing process you can really go through. To really grow and learn your lessons you gotta experience some pain. And I learned that attachment can be one of our biggest detriments.

~Common

Feeling Random!

This year has been crazy, crazy for me... in some ways this year is over and I'm so glad. I know the calendar year isn't over, but I don't live my life by the calendar... I mark my years from birthday to next birthday. I celebrated my 22nd Birthday July 30th...so that marks the beginning of my 22nd year of life. I have been so angry this past year... really feeling like bangin somebody repeatedly. I'm leaving Philly this weekend...even though I've moved back home twice before (for co-ops) this time it's permanent! I'm not coming back in six months. I'm finished my college education and it's now time for me to move on to other things in my life. I decided to move back to Bmore because I'm taking an one year break before law school and I wanted to save money. If you asked my four years ago when I graduated from high school would I ever move back full-time into my parent's home after getting my degree...I would have most likely said no!!! But I realize that this is the best for me at this point in my life. Why live on my own when I have a supportive family right in the area I want to live? Doing that would be a waste of money and stress paying bills that I really don't need right now.

My roomie's 21st birthday is Friday...and I hope it's her best birthday ever! We plan on starting the celebration on Thursay...her best friend is coming up to celebrate so I know she will have a wonderful weekend (starting Thursday and lasting through Saturday)

My boys have a new spot...I have yet to see this spot...but I hear they are living like ballas. I'm happy for them...they went through a lot of changes to get this house...yes house! I hope that everything works out of the best. The housewarming...but I will call it the official 'show-off party' goes down this Saturday. Now I was going to be back in Bmore for good by Saturday night...but I can't/won't miss my boy's event. So I will be officially out of here Sunday! I'm kinda sad...but more happy. I will see my people often and I know Er and I will talk all the time. She needs to get Verizon or I need to get her cell phone carrier...because she loves to make random calls to tell me about how awlful someone looked (even though I be like Er, "Can't it wait til I get home..." these calls make me smile) I won't be able to say wait til I get home...our homes have been the same for the past two years... practically three if you count Myers...but now Imma be living in Bmore and she will be living in Philly. :( We must live it up the next few days. I have so many people I need to get up with before I leave...I hope I get to see everyone.

This post was so random...but I guess that's how I feel...RANDOM!!!!

You are an encouragement

Despite what you think and probably because I don't tell you enough...you are a great encouragement. I love you and I thank God for you daily. I hope you don't mind me sharing my card with the blogging world...this really touched my heart. Wow...today I have received all these wonderful words and I know that in time I will begin to feel much better. I'm on my way... and looking forward to joy.

"I wish I had a magic wand that I could just wave in your direction and make everything 'all better'. I wish I had a sprinkle of stardust that would erase every problem that's come your way. If only I could get my hands on a magic lamp and rub it until a genie appeared, I would ask for an end to all your cares and the beginning of great happiness for you. I don't really have any magic, but if deep feelings and warm thoughts can help, there's definitely come wonder-working stuff headed your way. "

~Cheryl Hawkinson~

Thanks Er for these words...

One Flaw in Women

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope, and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

My cuz sent this to me today...and oh my...thank you God for being on time. I need this... I hope it encourages someone else as it encouraged me... take care...

Crazy mix of emotions

I haven't been in this blog world for awhile. I can't really express in words why not but I know it's because of all the things I've been going through. I have lost my motivation to write. Every time I share...I feel as if I have just played myself. I'm seeing all this happiness around me and at times I must admit that I am jealous. Jealousy is not a natural emotion for me, but lately I can't help but see things in other people and want it for myself. Today my baby girl really made me smile with her words...thanks baby...but you and Dware are too cute. I love seeing you happy...I wouldn't want that to change for anything. I want to get some feelings and emotions off my chest, but I'm such a punk and I can't talk to the people that I need to talk with. If I could just sit down and share somethings with some people I know I would feel much better. If I could tell them...that I care, that I respect them, that they impacted my life, that I miss them, that I want to be there for them... I'm so ready to love someone fully, completely and unconditionally... I know one day that special person will come into my life. I think my feelings get hurt so much (shhhh...that's a secret, people think I'm this rock...but I really aint)...because I trust people, I see the best in people...people can do me wrong and I will give them chance after chance. I think people are going to share my feeling, when often times they don't. I feel like I am walking around sometimes completely alone and forgotten. I know that I have a wonderful family and group of friends...but sometimes even in their midst I still feel like I have such a void in my life. Something is missing, I feel so unfilled. I have so much to give and no one/where to pour all of me into. I saw 22 years of life this past Saturday and my friends were really there to support me and show me so much love and I am so thankful. Everyone who could come out to my party came and those who couldn't called and wished me so much happiness. I don't think anyone knows this...but there were moments during my party when I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. Alright I know what you are thinking (WTF!!!) Me, cry??? I know...it something I use to not do...but lately I've found myself either crying or on the edge of tears. I'm not sure why I felt this way. Maybe because at every corner I saw all this love and affection...but I felt like none of it was for me...maybe because the person I wanted to be at the party the most aint act the way I had 'dreamed' about...maybe because I have way more internal demons than I ever realized. Overall I enjoyed the party and was so thankful to all those who came out. I got a real shock towards the end of the night... I'm glad I know...but wow I had two feelings at that moment when I heard "You know he has a girlfriend...right??!!!"I felt...stupidity and this feeling of worthlessness. I just wanted to be left alone, but of course that didn't happen. I have a great sense of self-worth...but in that moment...I felt like I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough...whatever enough that would make him feel about me the way I feel about him...and I still haven't shaken these feelings, I was upset and didn't want to talk to anyone...but I must be crazy cuz I don't feel that way today. If he came up to me right this second and said "I want to be with you"...I would be overjoyed...I'm not saying that I would be with him...but I would be overjoyed (damn...I just confused!) ...I really wish we could have a convo and I could get all my feelings out...but that probably won't happen. I am really going to miss my people here in Philly. But I can not wait, absolutely can not wait to go back home to Bmore. I find peace at home, in the comfort of very familiar surroundings. Hopefully it will be a time to rejuvenate and restore...my spirit has been broken and I want so badly for it to be mended. I told my girls I was depressed today...I think they thought I was playing by the way I said it...but actually I feel so low...because my mom is a physiologist...I know that I am technically not depressed...but at this moment I could not be any closer to depression. I'm going to continue to pray because I can't let myself slip into depression because I may never come back... I'm sad but I'm also thankful...what a crazy mix of emotions