Long Time

It's been two months since I have written anything on here...anything in my journal....any poetry...two months since I have picked up a pen for creative expression. I'm not sure why but hey... the time pasted...things have happened and we move forward. Ya'll aren't ready to hear all that I have been doing, been thru and experienced the last couple months. All I can say is God is good and without Him I don't know where I would be.


Months ago...I mentioned that I was popular...well..."A Taste of Philly" won me over. I have to figure out a new nickname for him because he cut his beard down...so the look of a philly dude is gone. I love it...I suggested it...and I'm glad he thinks I'm so wonderful that he did it and likes the clean look again. Ya'll this one is great...crazy, but great. I wasn't looking...but I may have been found. I'm happy in this thing we got going on....so that's all that matters right now. The parents like him...I've met all his family...I got some mixed reviews...but I think it will be ok. This summer we plan on spending lots of time with each others family. We are talking about the future...and I feel good about it. I'm not where I want to be in life...he's not actually where I would want a husband to be in life...but together we can be in an amazing place. I'll keep you updating.


Life is interesting...I looking for something interesting...not just a job...maybe career while I waiting for God to open the door for law school. I have a degree...I should be using it. Anyone have any career ideas for me???? Leave your suggestions...what do you think I would be good at???? I need help here!!! I have an idea or two...but suggestions will help me think of things I have not thought of....


Until next time...it could be hours, days, weeks, or months...no telling how I will feel

~Take Care~

Had Enough???!!!???

There has to come a point when you realize that it's just not for you. I really, really hope this is true. I keep complaining about what's going on in this situation...and I know what I could do to help myself feel alot better in the long run...but it's a difficult decision, totally outside of my comfort zone. Basically I want things to change but I don't want to be the one to make the change happen. So with this attitude I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm becoming very miserable. Have you ever wanted something so badly but you just cant have it...there could be many reasons why you can't have it: It's out of your reach, it's unhealthy, it belongs to someone else, the 'cost' of it is too much for you, it doesn't want you to want it, you don't know how to get it...and the list goes on. I think practically all these things apply to my situation. It's sad...Im making it worse. And I can't even complain anymore. I won't complain anymore...because that is a waste of time...especially since right now what is going on is all my doing. I hear what is being said...but I don't want to acknowledge it. My feelings are too strong and I care too much...sometimes I feel that caring is a weakness for me. I use to be confused...but I can't even use that excuse anymore...yeah I'll admit it...it was a crutch, the easiest way to explain why I allow this to continue...I could say, "I'm confused." Well...it's out in the open now...I'm not confused...I know exactly what I'm doing and allowing to be done...I must take responsibility for the consequences. I always try to justify this..."BUT" is my favorite word to use...it always gives me a bright note in a dark situation...it's so weak of me. I have come to the conclusion, that even in the future I would be a fool to agree to anything official...because all this time...I wasn't enough...




...I gotta come back to this post later... I know it seems like I'm rambling...

The Little Things

February 2006 is over!!! Wow...oh my how time flys by...already this year is turning out to have ups and downs...I was thinking more ups for a minute but that was short lived...anyways...one of my older cousins moved back to Bmore from upstate NY and I'm so excited. She has a little girl so is so dear to my heart but because they have lived so far away I have not been able to be in her life as much as I would have wanted. My cousin and I were so close growing up. Actually there are two females in that family...the other one is moving down after see completes her education up there...in about a year...It's good to have family close and it's even better when you are good friends with that family. Hopefully soon we will get to hang out...she's down here finished up her thesis...so she is quite busy, but I'm just happy to know she is around. I have learned that I must be grateful for everyting even things that may seem small...like a cousin moving to the MD/DC area. I don't have much so say today... I'm trying to love life... working daily on my relationship with my father and savior and looking forward and pressing forward to all my goals and dreams. I will try and post more later. Until next time be blessed!!!

Just a thought

So...

What has been going on with everyone??? I was in Philly this past weekend for the 9th annual Black History Month Fashion Show...and I must say I felt like a proud mother. The show was hott!!! Congrats Er...you pulled it together...I told you not to give up on your children. 2006 has been a busy year...but I'm loving life. Living free is a great feeling.

I realized a few days ago that Valentines day was just around the corner. As I have told ya'll before I am seriously popular nowadays... I have over 3o valentines...I know what you are thinking...but hold up...30 of them are under the age of 10. My dance class are my valentines this year. I'm so excited...we are having a valentines dance and I got the cutest gifts for them. There is so much love going around and I feel so blessed. I hope everyone is finding happiness. Look for happiness in everything...you will definitely find it.

A little update!!!

This is my first real post of 2006...I'm excited to be back...and I thank God for allowing me to see another year. I know this year is going to be filled with so much greatness. God told me it was going to be in live in '05...and it sure was...through the ups and downs...I have to admit even though I thinks my downs were major...I had so many ups...most of them shared with one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for...of course the one and only Erica R. Robinson...my Soul Friend...since we have already given the 'title' of best friend to other great ladies in our lives...I came up with the term soul friend to describe us...she sure has looked into my soul and holds a major piece...I thank God for her.

Since I have been home...things have been very busy...I work work work...and I sleep. I barely even eat...but I am working on that Er...doing much better this year! I have also decided that I can't keep hoping that certain people I care about will come around and that we will have the type of relationship I desire...so I have decide to get out more. As soon as I decided that, I became popular...not that I ever had a difficult time meeting guys, that's not the problem...well, since I was in Philly for the past few years...most of the dudes...have been Philly hoodrats...favorite line "A Ma'!"... and if I hear this one more time: "How are you? I'm fine...Ma I aint ask you how you look, I can see that you are fine...damn!" what the hell??? Bmore dude don't act like that...so it is refreshing to be around males that I like. And I must say...they are gorgeous...they tell me I'm beautiful...but the amount of beauty I am surrounded with is amazing. I'm loving this life. Eventually I do want to find one guy that I can be exclusive with...I was and still am the type that doesn't even casually date more than one guy...but forget all that...Imma casually date until someone convinces me that he is worth all my time. This one guy, let's call him 'A Taste of Philly"...go figure I would like a guy who could fit in with a Philly crowd...but he is a Bmore boy...so something about that makes him much different...Bmore dudes approach women differently...he came at me with humor...not some crued comment...and I really appreciated that...I usually don't give guys my number...but I was instantly attracted and he is soooooooo cute, even with his mini Philly beard (but much more clean cut than the typical Philly beard)...is making his presence known!!! I mean...he wants to see me whenever he has free time...Im seeing dude more than once a day sometimes...I thought I would be annoyed...but not with this guy...I like this attention and even more importantly I like this guy. He makes me feel so comfortable...Tiff you would like him...he has those strong arms you were talking about...wink wink. Now, preacher man...thinks we are getting married...I'm not sure at this point. He is a great guy...but Im not sure...he told me he will show me...that we are meant to be together...I'll give him sometime... it's difficult developing something fresh long distance, I have no problem working with a long distance relationship that is already established...but I met this dude and next week he was back at school...ummm that's a little too quick...but have hime tell it we have known each other forever. My fireman, is so inconsistent...and I don't like that...he also told me I was 'the one'...well you sure enough don't act like it. I know his schedule is crazy... he works crazy hours at the firehouse...but ummmm...you have breaks, you have days off...we do I hear from you every two weeks or why does it take you two weeks to return my calls??? We click on so many levels...but I need you to keep your word and give me some time...a relationship can not be built when one person is doing whatever and never letting you in on it. Now, lastly my eye-candy!!! mmmmmm-good!!! But...he is a man-whore!! No possible way I would ever be in a relationship with him...but he likes me...he is gorgeous and he likes spending time with me...so why not...I can have beautiful friends...that's all he has the potential to be...is my friend...but boy oh boy is he gorgeous!
...we shall see...I'm expecting someone to disguise themselves from the group!!!! Right now it's "A Taste of Philly"...but he is also the one I have known for the shortest period of time and I told myself I would never deal with another dude that was younger than me...he's 21...but I'm dealing with guys in their late 20's and they don't have there stuff together like this dude...he has some major potential...but who knows...he might be the one to convince me to give him my undivided attention. I think valentines day will be interesting this year...Who's taking me to dinner???? LOL... I'm not right...but I'm having fun...please believe I aint compromising for no one or nothing....

~ Until next time ~