Why I Wait...The Complete Answer

I've been asked so many times why I have waited/why I am waiting/why I choose not to have sex. I thought I answered the question completely...but I have come to realize I might not have. It was difficult for me to articulate in words what I felt in my heart. This choice I have made is very personal and what others may say or do can not effect me. I'm sharing this story/journey...not to make anyone feel bad or to seem self righteous...but because I want to share this part of me...and I can put these feelings into word at this point. I feel I may have done a disservice to some people who have been in my life...in the past and those who are presently in my life, because I couldn't articulate why? I want to make sure I don't continue this for those who will be in future. I have to take you back to my childhood to really tell this story of how I got to where I am today.

I have been raised by two wonderful parents...who never had a problem telling me about their past mistakes or life lesson. They've always wanted me to make my own choices, but they knew a little more in their adulthood than they knew in their childhood...so their shared their knowledge with me. My parents love the Lord and they have always taught me to have a personal relationship with the Lord myself. I was always taught that my parent's relationship with God wasn't good enough for me, but that I had the choice to live a life with God. My mother was always open with me when it came to relationship and sex and all the other things that come with being with a man. She told me about how she lived her life in the past and how she prayed that I wouldn't make some of the same choices. She told me that my father and her have been praying for my husband since the day they knew I was on the way. That right there is amazing...my parents knew one day I would leave their home and they wanted to make sure I would have a safe place to go...just one of the many reasons why they are amazing. I was taught that my body was the temple of God and that I should take care of my body. I was taught from as earlier as I can remember that sex was a special gift that God has designed to be shared only by husband and wife. When I was younger I was not told specifically not to have sex until I was married...I was taught how God ordained sex for marriage. There was always the room for me to make own choices, I never felt condemned. At a very young age, my like 8...my friend and I committed that we were going to save sex for marriage...until we were married we would consider God our husband and stay faithful to Him. Now, I know you may think this is very young to think such things...but I did and it meant so much to me to have a friend by my side.

My friend's name was Michelle, I loved Michelle so much...when I first met her I was just a toddler and I didn't have a sister at the time...so she became my sister. We stood before God and our church at a young age doing a (for lack of other words) "Abstinence vow commitment service" and committed our mind, body and spirit to God. A few years after we stood together before God...Michelle was killed. Losing Michelle really broke my spirit...but I knew I would never break my vow. Michelle didn't live to marry her husband...but I know she would have stayed faithful to God until she did. Living the last 10 or so years without Michelle has strengthened my walk with God...because I had to lend on Him...because I didn't have anyone on earth to lean on. I know have a wonderful support system outside of my family (they know who they are). But in the part my commitment/my word was everything and has remained everything to me. I am a woman of my word. The vow I made...to remain abstinent until marriage...is something that I am carrying out not just for myself, but also in remembrance of my friend. She was my dance partner, we went all over the place, dancing... She was my listener, confidant, she was my sister and my friend...she would have been an amazing woman...but I find peace because I know that she is with God.

Alright...I'm rambling...anyways... I have continued to hold to my vow. I have lost a lot of people in my life. I have been hurt many times because of this choice. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything...because when my day comes it will be the best. Right now in this moment...I am in total and complete love with my husband...I know what ya'll are thinking...no I'm not married. My husband doesn't even have a name...he may not even know my name. But because of this love I have for that future husband...I'm saving this special, priceless, ONE-OF-A-KIND gift for him. No one can duplicate it, no one can compare this gift to any other thing out there...one day my body, which is connected to my soul...will be my husband's and his alone.

This comes from a convo I had with my girl Tif the other day...Tif said it great:

~what guy wouldn't want to know that he has a woman that saved herself just on the thought that she might meet him
~that's the ultimate gift ...there is NO only gift like it...absolutely PRICELESS!!!
~you know why it's the ultimate gift, because he's the only one that will ever have it

Thanks Tif...you are an encouragement...love ya

This is to my future husband...whoever you are, wherever you are:
Love of my life,
...I have waited all my life for you. I may not know your name at this moment, I may not know what you look like, talk like, walk like or act like. But I know I love you! I love you because you are the man God has created just for me. You are the man that stood by my side...even when it was difficult, even when hormones were races. You protected me and respected me. You did whatever you could do to help me walk out my commitment. You loved me so much that you waited with me and you were proud of me. I know you may have never imagined a relationship like the one we have had...but you were there anyway. I am overjoyed that you put down your flesh, your desires, your feelings...to be with me. I know it wasn't easy, it wasn't easy for me either. Because I love you...of course I wanted to be with you in every way...but you understood the importance of that commitment. And even though you may not have had the commitment before you met me...you took on that commitment to be with me. You make me feel beautiful with just a look, you can comfort any sadness, you bring so much joy to my life. My wait was not in vain...our wait was not in vain. For our marriage is built on a solid foundation. You are my best friend and I hope that I am your best friend. I am completely yours and no one else's. I love you for loving me enough to stand with me. I believe True Love Waits...I have a True and Deep love for you. I have waited as long as it took for you to find me...for us to find each other. I would not change a thing. My True Love for you I waited...now I am completely yours.

~With A True Love,
Your Future Wife

...God, myself, my friend's memory and My Man!!!...that's why I waited!!! I hope this gives you a glimpse into me heart.