Getting rid of the infection!

So, I said I had much more to say on the topic of my last post and I also said I was going to share some personal stories and I'm in the mood to share. (warning this post is long!!!)

Not sure why it took me over 5 years to truly let go of a very negative and draining relationship. In the past I have said I was over it, past it, and things were cool. That wasn't a total lie but I came to realize that some relationships need to be completely cut off...none of the occassional phone calls, text messages, how are you doing?, nothing, nada. But this is difficult to do, speaking from my own experience. First you feel like you don't want to be the one to stop the communication, what do you say, do you just ignore the calls and he will get the message, do come right out and tell him you don't want anything to do with him and please loose your number? Well, I did none of the above and I now know why I didn't...it's because in the back of mind, in a small place in my heart I still wanted to be with him somehow, someway. If I was using common sense I would have long since realized that wasn't a possibility, but I was letting my emotions lead me and that's not a smart move when you've been shown all the signs that the relationship is nothing good and pretty much all bad.

When the light bulb went off in my head and I knew at that moment that to truly be available and open for all the things and people I wanted in my life I had to do some cutting away of all that was bad. At the top of the list was...(I'll call him) Mason. Why did I not want to let go of him? It's just a cop out to say "I can't move on", "I hurts", "I loved him"...because it truly comes a point when all these things are excuses you are making to stay in a bad place because you aren't confident enough to 'fly' on your own and truly get in line with what God has for you. Like I said before...we love to get in the way of God. We love to make excuses and call them reasons. I once heard a preacher say, "Excuses are demonic!" wow...this is so true...what place do excuses have in a successful, positive life? My answer is that there is no place. Do you actually know what the word 'excuse' means? a defense of some offensive behavior or some failure to keep a promise etc.; to overlook, make allowances for (someone's behavior), transparent self-justification (that is unacceptable)...the word has several meanings...and none of them are things I want me to use to describe me...what about you?

I've stop making excuses, I'm taking responsibility for what I allow to happen to me and around me. Yes, I'm taking responsibilty...so I was hurt but I'm the one that allowed that hurt to continue long after it could have been over. I allowed Mason to have a form of control over my heart and emotions. Why I did this? Because I was being weak, because I didn't want to take charge over my future and I didn't want to cut him off. I realized that by allowing Mason to have such a powerful role in my life (he probably didn't even realize his power), was stopping me from experiencing all that I could experienced (especially in my personal life). How many of us (women and men) have or have had a tie to a negative relationship that should have long since been over. Healing takes place much quicker, when you clean the wound, remove the infection, bandage it and get on with daily life (exercise the injury so it's because strong again)...so basically you need to come to peace that it's over and thank God it is, cut ALL ties with the person, and pray for God to mend your heart and bring the right person in your life at the right time. I did exactly this...yeah it took me years, don't be like me PLEASE! Get it right now.

This was my healing process...
First I asked the Lord reveal (something He had done a long time ago, but I ignored Him because I didn't like the answer). Than I asked Him to remove (and for the first time I really meant it)...no point in asking for something if you really don't want it, I really want it, I realized I really needed it. Finally I asked the Lord to restore (my heart), make me stronger, more confident, at peace with who am I and who I am becoming. As always..God answered my prayers and this time I was willing to receive what it took to truly move beyond this. So, I've done the "3Rs" before but never walked it out... I never erased the number from my phone (yes, you must do this...don't change the name to 'do not answer' or don't say but what if he calls I may not recognize it and answer (whatever!) God has removed him from your life, he's not going to call (maybe you're hoping he will so you won't feel so mad about wanting to call yourself...but that feeling will past, believe me)...you're making those 'excuses' again!. Did you remove his email from your list? Did you throw away the love notes, the pictures of you two all hugged up and stuff? I mean, why are you keeping them? I know you wouldn't want your future husband to be holding on to pictures, letters, personal gifts from an ex...so why should you? You want your future husband to be getting ready for you, so you should be getting ready for him. See you're blocking your blessings if you dont. You can't expect to get what you want if you don't get yourself to a healthy place so you can attract what you want...remember you aren't out looking for your future mate, but you don't want him overlooking you because he can see all the mess, confusion, etc all over you. If he's right with the Lord, (which we want him to be)...the Lord is going to show him that you're a mess and he's going to run away...ever wonder why you thought you met a great guy and than he never calls you back (well, he could be a jerk, but what if he has a personal relationship with the Lord and the Lord reveals to him that you're not the one and the reason you aren't the one is because he's ready for the one and you're now the toxic one because you haven't moved past your 'Mason'...something to think about!).

Move past, over, get around, climb on top and squash...do whatever you need to do to gain a release...a release of your mind (you won't think about the person on the regular...why? because you are too focused on the many great things in your life), a release of your spirit (you will feel free and at peace...this is especially important if you were physical in any way with your Mason you must realize that when you become physical with a person a piece of your soul is forever connected to them and vice versa (this is Scriptural people, I dont make this stuff up)...you have to pray for that release, you don't want to be carrying that person around forever and you don't want that person carrying you around forever and sharing that piece of your soul with everyone else they physically come in contact with and vice versa (think about this...it's deep)...just getting over your Mason and not praying for this type of release can have many negative consequences in your future...dont be shy God already knows about Mason, so pray for the release...God is waiting for you to ask), and a release of your heart (it will be mended and the lessons learned will cause you to be thankful instead of sad).

I have gone on and on about what I learned from this seemingly never ending relationship with Mason... I didn't realize I had so much to say. I guess after 5 years you have alot of thoughts on a topic. But he's no longer 'my' Mason, he can be someone elses...and hopefully all that I've done and all my prayers will also help him be a great Man for his future wife...yes I prayed for him too...all part of the TRUE healing process...ya'll, I wasn't playing...I'm getting things right for my husband!

~Until next time